PeAcEfUl ReSt *

The sun has finally died down,
give me peaceful rest in this weary town.
As I sleep, restore my soul,
wake me up, feeling whole.
renew my mind,
as I sit and rewind.
Today I was stressed,
let my tomorrow be blessed.
AMEN *

No diapers, no dry baby underwear, NO money, how am I going to last until tomorrow!
Screaming in my ear, I'm walking away, as my son follows me around the house naked and crying! I don't know what to do.
I'm sorry son, that I can't do anything for you.
You are not hungry, just fed. You are on your VERY LAST diaper, but its fresh! Its barely 3 in the afternoon. What am I going to do later for you! I wish you were potty trained! WAIT! I smell something!!!!! THERE GOES THE LAST DIAPER!
Mommy is stressing out today, more than likely over nothing.
I am sorry mommy is not in a good mood, she just needs to get away from everyone right now.
I just cleaned this house yesterday, how it got messy?!?!?!? Do you know God?
This NON-stop job of motherhood, is just Crazy!
There are Lots, and Lots, of GREAT things about it, but when you don't get away, to breathe and just go do whatever ALONE w/out baby...(or daddy) it gets frustrating, and I feel like I am about to LOSE it!
How can ONE child make ya go nutz, when he is NOT doing anything to drive ya nutz!
Why am I stressing God, Its just another day in my new life, as a mother.
Please, Give me your hands, as I can't seem to use mine today.
Give me your arms, as mine are having problems giving love to my son.
Breathe in me your air, as I can't breathe in this clutter of Stress.
Give me your strength to walk and play with my son, as mine just want to lay and mope around.
And most importantly, renew my mind today, wake me up and give me joy, start my engine over fresh and ready to take in today's worries and stress.
Help me put my trust in you that everything will be alright, you are in control.

Thank you Jesus, for your support in my life, for never letting me go, and lifting me up when I cant stand anymore.


Now.....about THAT DIAPER!

You were there

My heart was broken, and you were there.

I needed help, and you were there.

How did you know that I needed you? I was crying so loud that I couldn't hear your saving bell.

Now im quiet, listening to the sound of your silent voice,

trying to understand why the angels rejoice.

I don't fully comprehend, of All the love to me you send. Why me did you choose to die for? When I have done nothing for you lord.

I deserve nothing at all, but to sit in a corner and bawl.

To think of what i've done, so shamful, I want to run.

Sometimes when I stand in awe, something goes through me and says "Stop what your doing! Your doing it all wrong."

I get so confused at times, that my heart feels like a tied up chime. At times I am so blind, that I fall off the thick fence line.

And even still...I don't know what side im on.

The condition of my heart is lost for sure,

I just pray that my heart can be mixed in, with the love you stir.

Written: A long time AGO! :)

Apologies

First, for the way we became friends, and how we thought it had no ends.

Second, for the way I ran, because I thought you would be there...you said you can.

Third, for everytime we never spoke, I tried to talk, than I'de start to choke.

On every memory we had of fun, I tried to feel that agian, but everything inside, had just gone numb.

Sorry for the times I spent thinking of you, wishing we were friends agian, when I had plenty other things to do.

Why does friendships end like this, feeling alone...full of emptiness?

Written: A long time AGO! :)

A Season Come and Gone

A season come and gone

The leaves are falling to the ground...

they changed thier colors, thier gonna drowned.

A season was changed, they'll be gone for a while.

Winter will be here, to cover thier smile.

All differant colors, from every sort of tree,

will now end up...just like me.

Gone for a season, until winter is gone.

Next will be Summer...and we'll shine like the Son.

The End

Apologies are said,

Forgiveness...is just kept in.

Its almost as if you had everything.

But when everyone is gone...

Its like you have nothing.

Nothing was left unsaid,

but everything was unheard.

No matter how hard we could try,

I think we'll always just pass eachother by.

Its like it was too unreal, to much pretend,

so lets just face it, and say this is The End.

10/05/05

Life

You started to bleed, so you stop to breathe.

you sit through the smoke, and try not to choke.

The waters are deep, and that's why you cant sleep.

Your friends weren't there, and now your lost somewhere.

Dying of this heartache, its more than what you can take.

Life is getting so uptight, that's why you sit here and write.

About all the crap that's going on, and everything else that went wrong.

So your stuck in the middle, and you feel so little.

Looking for something to fathom, but cant, because life is to random.

Nothing and nobody, will stay in place for you.

So your constantly running, looking for something that's true.

I know you don't seek, to find your applaud.

But is it because what your really looking for...is God?

Written: Some time last year :)

Thoughts racing through my brain,

I'm full of emotions and pain.

As more frustrations go through my day,

the more I wish, someone would say its okay.

This time, the storm had chose me to surround,

I feel like I am the one, who is being drowned.

I see my help, but it has no sound,

I go reach out, but the waves are crashing me down.

The drifts carry me so far away,

That I find myself completely lost, by the end of the day.

God, take my hand and pull me through,

I feel so alone in this world,

I only want to be with you.

Written: Sometimes last year :)

Selfish Feelings

I am feeling...

Pain, because I'm so far away.

exhausted, because I'm working now.

Tired, because I never sleep,

Alone...because I keep myself inside.

Drained out, because of Hate that I have,

Lazy, because im getting depressed.

Dried out, because im leaving God behind,

Unhappy, because of my selfish needs.

Rebelious, because im watching the world,

jealous, because people are doing better.

Left out, because people don't talk to me,

Silenced, because im speechless.

Awake, because my thoughts wont fade,

Dying...because a friend is dying.

Small, because im not so wise,

dirty, because my heart needs cleansing.

Teary eyed, because the rain won't hide my tears,

I feel bad, because I don't do what I say.

I feel stupid, because I can't get anything right,

These are ALL my selfish Feelings...

That I really don't need tonight.

Written: Some time last year :)

Dear God

Dear God, I feel so odd.
I still cant see, why you died for me.
I cant understand, why you created man,
and I cant see the light, that's as pure as white.
I'm struggling in my life, with things so uptight.
I am wishing you were here, just holding me near.
To never let go, of my life so low.
I chose not to obey, only to fall away.
All I pray for,
is to stay in the core of the Lord,
to never leave, and always believe.
AMEN

Goodbye

Passing hours through the night,
you are still nowhere in sight.
I thought we were in this together,
your only putting me through stormy weather.

My world is dark, from your broken promises and lies,
its all my tears raining hard from the skies.

I love was kindled I thought forever,
maybe we just were'nt meant to be together.
Our anniversary is coming up,
its to bad the relationship blew to erupt.

I really loved you with all my heart,
its sad to see, we have fallen apart.
I guess I can thank you for all that you have done,
its given me wisdom and strength,
for the next time I look for love.

Gone Again

Cant beleive he is giving me hurt,
I've been aware, why was I not alert?
It's late in the night, he is gone again,
Will I ever learn? When, OH just when?
He says he is with a friend,
maybe this should just end.
Doesn't answer his phone, Damn, I should have known.
Never gives me a call back, that's it, I am starting to pack.
Is he even thinking of me?
Does he even care?
Does he even know, what he is putting me through?
I just wish he never left at all,
this is his final call.
All my things are packed at the door,
I know longer wish to deal with you anymore.

MOM

A mom is like a flower,
so strong, that it carries all your power.
The powers of your inside love,
that only comes from God above.

Till this day, I thank God for my mom,
because she is always there, to keep me calm.
All these years, I could not see,
how much my mom means to me.

Until my judgment day,
I know I'll be okay.
And even though she isn't near,
I know that she's still here.

Sitting in my heart,
Knowing that we are not apart.
I wish to see her soon,
So I can say, that I love you.